i miss

i just suddenly realized that i have this enormous need for my family and friends. i miss hugging them, kissing them, holding their hand, leaning on them. i may be happy here, so far away, but i also feel the need for some physical contact with the ones i love. it's not as if i have that kind of relationship with the friends i've met here. none of them can guess when i just need a hug. none of them are available for me just to lean on and be quiet around. i miss the people who know my history, who know what can set me off, who know when to be brutally honest, who know...a lot about me. i'm rethinking this "alone" thing.