the grim reaper and such

i have never been afraid of death. i've never been so attached to this world and all its frills that the thought of not waking up tomorrow has ever terrified me. you know those TV show episodes, buffy and charmed come immediately to mind, where the characters are tormented by their worst fears, usually related to death? i don't have that. oh, thank God i don't. if anything, i'm just a little concerned about how much it will hurt. i'd rather die instantly, mostly because i have a shallow threshold for pain. which is both good and bad--good because i can empathize, bad because i bruise easily. and that's not in the physical sense alone.
if i were to choose how to die? it would be quick, with the least pain. people usually prefer dying in their sleep, don't they? that would be ok for me. or if i have to die a gruesome, bloody death, as long as it's to serve a good cause or higher purpose, i don't mind--but it should be quick and painless.
i don't have any "unresolved"s. i don't bear grudges, and the people i love know that i love them. that's something else i'm thankful for. i am able to show my love to my loved ones, and so i won't have that "i should've told him/her i love him/her" regret. whenever i can, i talk to the people i love, sit with them, eat with them, watch a movie with them, see a concert with them, or just plain "hang out". so i know that whatever happens, however tomorrow turns out for us, i know that they know i love them. i used to be able to go for coffee or a mini-shopping spree with a friend when s/he needs someone to talk to. i'm able to do that with my friends here though. and when my friends visit here. who knows, maybe i'll be able to do it more frequently again.
the greatest joy i experience is when people describe me as a good, dependable friend. just last night a friend of mine texted that to my dad. marls, when i asked what pasalubong she wants, told me that there was no need "it would be nice just to have you here". nanie and cely are always on me to get-together every time i go home, so we can spend time together. LL and i are soul sisters of course. it pains me when miel and i can't make our skeds swak so we can go on more marathon-sharing. kat is always on my case to "go back to manila na. i have no one to 'have coffee' with in the middle of the day"! whenever bubbles, dennis, jonas, mems, cindy, cleone can, we find a way to regroup and laugh all night long.
i've been searching for a way to make a difference in other people's lives, help them, somehow share my talents. here's an epiphany: maybe being a good friend to my friends is
a "calling". i've always believed in doing your best in everything--so that includes being the best daughter, sister, friend i can be!