give me some "sando"!

We’re loving this new band called “sando”, who we saw perform at the FU mag concert a few weeks back. Their sound is like interactive sago project, and they look like early parokya or eheads. After the band was introduced, the lights turn on to reveal barong-clad guys—and not just any kind of barong, but piña pa, ha! Their lyrics are funny, our favorite is: “may hicky si mike”, which they performed, complete with choreography! They made the previously-bored crowd laugh, clap, and react. When they were being interviewed by the hosts, they stayed in-character as weird entities “mula sa kaharian ng sandito”. Even my balikbayan cousin, Janelle, found them hysterical! Would love to see them perform again.

awesome sculptures 2

as promised, photos of some of sir bob's great terra cotta sculptures

blissful day

went to the new location of bliss cafe yesterday, and finally had the curried mock duck. yummy! esp. since i had great company. leslie, who i had met at ayuyang the previous night, joined me.

at ayuyang, we became fast friends. kathy even asked if we had met before, but we hadn't! yesterday, we talked for hours, discovering that we had so many thoughts and ideas and dreams in common. another leslie in my life to love!:)


after leisurely eating, we went to the buddhist temple, where she's staying, and she gave me a tour. the views and sunset from there are amazing! i got lots of wonderful photos!

lovely day

yesterday was a very good day. my liberation day!
it was a very interesting discussion we had at school. then, i went to run errands in town. then, got an invite in the faculty room from my co-teacher kathy to watch "d'lucky ones" and go to ayuyang. i had been curious about the movie, and even if i didn't like sandara that much, i figured it was a good diversion.
i didn't regret going either. the movie is funny and witty and has JR valentin in it (gorgeous cop in "maximo"). very good acting, good editing, good musical score (esp. since there was 1 brownman song there). i was a little apprehensive about watching a wenn deramas movie, but this gave me some respect for him. and sandara can actually speak audible tagalog now. it's an ensemble cast, carried mostly by the 2 comedic leads. and really, the trailer does not give the film's premise justice, because it actually contains a lot of parodies, mostly related to vilma santos. spoiler: she has a cameo in the movie. i had a good laugh.
after the movie, i finally made it to ayuyang bar. (ok, friends, finally!) i loved it! the vibe is so powerful. i loved the layout and the artwork. but mostly, i loved the company. when kathy came in, she greeted 2 persons, but then, a pleasant surprise, chi-chi (classmate from grade school and MA) was there! hadn't seen her in 2 years! we did some catching up, she introduced me to friends, i introduced her to kathy, kathy introduced us to her friends. and it was just a wonderful entanglement of friends and acquaintances that our 2 adjacent tables became one. i loved the energy and learning about and from people. we talked about climbing mountains, planting trees, poetry, and simplicity of life. we were all mostly from manila, save for 1 guy named Kirol (means "thunder" and "lightning" in ibaloi). and we all related on so many levels, and immediately made plans to go to different places and do different things together. first of which is come back to ayuyang on the 2nd to hear a cool ska band play.
the folk singer that night, though he played in the background to our frantic kwentuhan. responded to my shouting several times: "american pie"! with: "haba kasi e... vincent nalang!" o, be still my heart! so yehey, heard and sang along with one of my favorites.
it was a wonderful night of good music, great pizza, and fantastic friends!
syempre, simot ang vegetarian pizza!

me and kathy, blissful in ayuyang! got to get the group pic from jijit's cam...

napintas ak

it's hotter than usual here in baguio, so i was wearing a dress today. and one of the students said to me: "napintas ka" (napintas means beautiful in ilocano). he's not my student, but a serious student of one of my co-teachers, that we sometimes talk to. so i'll take the compliment at face value. that was so sweet really. oh, but i wasn't wearing like a sundress, ok? still not up for that. just a maong, empire-cut (thanks to my stylist friends, i know terms like that) knee-length dress that doesn't restrict me from running, jumping on a jeep, or walking really fast.

awesome sculptures

one of our co-teachers, sir bob acosta, is holding his exhibit of terra cotta paintings here in school. saw them last week, and found them so amazing! the details are so intricate, and the expression on the faces of his sculptures are so alive! i'll take a pic of them and post them here. but you know that it's different if you see them live and in person, right?:) it's just such a great use of the medium--i've never seen terra cotta in that way before!

bittersweet send-off

yesterday was graduation day at UP baguio. and it was also the first time i've worn a toga in my entire life. though really, don't we look more like we're on our way to hogwarts?:)

9 am was the baccalaureate ceremony. i had never attended anything like it before...it was sort of a tribute, with lots of speeches and singing. just a few of the graduates and faculty chose to go. and we weren't required to be in our toga yet.

a little after 3 pm, we started our march out of the campus towards the convention center. it felt so regal and official as we were walking toward the stage to the grad march (i don't know if that's the actual title of that song). the elder faculty, with all their colorful hoods, hats, medals, and what-nots looked straight out of a movie--"dead poets' society" and the like.
we were seated at the last row onstage, so all we could really see were the backs of the senior members of the academe. and good thing too, because some time in the middle of the program, we were just clicking away, taking pictures of each other and some of our students who would come up onstage to claim their diplomas.

the ceremony ended with the rousing singing of "UP Naming Mahal". i still get swept away when i sing that. and, i still have it 99% memorized after all these years!
we then walked down the stage and the aisle, where several of my students stopped me, kind of teary-eyed. i shook their hands and congratulated them. but generally, walked on with the rest of the line. i didn't want to bawl my eyes out!
we hung out for just a bit, eating cookies at the faculty room afterward, then left. i had been waiting for a ride in front of school for more than 10 mins. when someone called my name tentatively from behind, and it was keith, one of the students we'd become close to and very talented, with his dad. and we hugged and i congratulated him, and he was teary eyed. oohh... later, he texted me his thanks for all i (supposedly) taught him. and i couldn't help but cry a little because really, all a teacher wants is to be able to impart something, anything to her students! think i'm going to go cry a little more now...

love deconstructed

i've long been curious to read this book, since i heard of roland barthes. it's been quoted in essays and such. and finally, i'm starting to read it!

i can't pretend to understand everything (well, even much) about literary theory. but this has made me want to strive to at least better appreciate it. as an "intro", it says:
the lover's discourse is today of an extreme solitude. This discourse is spoken, perhaps, by thousands of subjects (who knows?), but warranted by no one.

barthes tries to look at love not as the romantic concept or emotion, but studies, examines it objectively, as if it were any other thing --that is, not given the value that we usually give it. and, leafing through the book, i found some interesting quotables...from a section titled "The Uncertainty of Signs":
(Balzac)
I look for signs, but of what? What is the object of my reading? Is it: am I loved (am I loved no longer, am I still loved)? Is it my future that I am trying to read, deciphering in what is inscribed the announcement of what will happen to me, according to a method which combines paleography and manticism? Isn't it rather, all things considered, that I remain suspended on this question, whose answer I tirelessly seek in the other's face: What am I worth?
(Freud & Gide)
Freud to his fiancee: "The only thing that makes me suffer is being in a situation where it is impossible for me to prove my love to you." And Gide: "Everything in her behavior seemed to say: Since he no longer loves me, nothing matters to me. Now, I still loved her, and in fact I had never loved her so much; but it was no longer possible for me to prove it to her. That was much the worst thing of all."

Whence the importance of declarations; I want to keep wresting from the other the formula of his feeling, and I keep telling him, on my side, that I love him: nothing is left to suggestion, to divination: for a thing to be known, it must be spoken; but also, once it is spoken, even very provisionally, it is true.

So, excuse me guys, while I read more...

tribute to the grads

monday afternoon, i was asked to edit the "tribute video" for the graduating batch, containing messages from teachers and other staff. the "tribute" was scheduled for thursday evening. i hesitated for a moment, and only because i didn't have an editing machine on hand. because i remember how, after helping with my students' productions, i missed it! i haven't used an editing machine in more than a year, but i was pretty confident i could do it. after all, i wanted to be a TVC editor for a while in college, but then realized i loved shooting too.
anyway, so my first question was: i don't mind, just find me an editing machine. well, tuesday came and after asking around, there was no editing machine that i could use. but after we went bowling, i received a message from my co-teacher, steph, who was in-charge of the "tribute" event, and she asked if i knew how to use the editing machine in the school's media lab. i had just skimmed through the manual previously, and i'd seen the "machine", but not been able to tinker with it. i told steph that in general, i knew how to edit, so i didn't see a problem with working with that machine.
the entire wednesday, i was trying to figure out how to get permission to use the machine, but the concerned people weren't around. finally, that afternoon, i was able to corner steph, and i was face-to-face with casablanca (that's the name of the editing machine) at 5 pm. however, i was only allowed to use it til 6 pm. it was not a very fun experience at first, since it was...to quote teddy, a student, "prehistoric". i couldn't find the timeline, and the platform wasn't even PC! so i was only able to capture the clips and arrange them in sequence. the entire time, at least, teddy, karlo, and sheila kept me entertained--so i wasn't so frustrated.
i resolved to come in early the next day to finish it up. as i had class at 11 am, i texted sir jimmy to at least guide me with the editing. we met around 9. but as it turns out, he's not that familiar with it either. although, it's true that 2 heads are better than 1! somehow, guided by his suggestions, i was able to finish it by 11:30, then sir jimmy rendered the 9-minute material while i had class. by 1 pm, it was done!
i have to confess, i'm my biggest critic. there were a lot of things i would have wanted to do with the material, but because of time constraints, i wasn't able to. so i made do with simple transitions, no chargen/titles; may "pitik" sa 1 shot, may mga audio that should have been muted but i couldn't figure out where to control it, and some parts had no score, because it would have drowned out the actual "message" of the teacher. but yehey! i loved that i was able to use musical score from "sassy girl chunyang" and "sassy girl" (canon!). that part was a delight. good thing i have my wonderful OSTs here!
i was only able to take a short breather, then had to help with food prep and decorations for the tribute. we came over from buying "emergency supplies" a little after 6, and the event hadn't started yet! we ended up starting a little before 7. i was a bit nervous before they showed the "tribute" video, esp since the hosts, teddy and sheila, announced more than once that i edited it. yikes! but after seeing it, joy and steph said that it was good. and of course, i didn't call their attention anymore to the little things that i knew i could have done better with a better machine and more time. but then again, at least i found out for myself how to use our "casablanca".
the event ended after 8. and we helped fix up. we would have wanted more people to have been there...but i guess the limited # of people and the atmosphere also helped make it more intimate.

me with jenna, steph, and joy (the awesome food prep girls!)

me with MCs-cum-hosts-cum-all-around entertainers sheila and teddy... all dressed up! (teddy called me "my queen", haha! we have a joke going now)

story about this pic: it was only supposed to be a pic of me, alvin, joy, and ethan. i asked a 3rd year student to take our pic, but as he was framing the picture, a whole bunch of people started slamming against us, trying to get into the picture as well. that "smile" means: "i am getting so squished now! argh!" and the only person i know among the throng is the tall guy, butch (who i call jr. haha!), who i just met early that night. after they all went their own way, alvin told me: "let's take a picture, the 2 of us lang talaga", so we did.

the woodsman

just watched the woodsman the other day. i love this line:
"uncommon beauty is commonly overlooked".
having said that, let me rave about kevin bacon's acting. he plays the role of an ex-con pedophile trying to live a new life and escape his demons. he plays the role wonderfully, reflecting many nuances on his smooth, bony face. the line he repeats several times: "will i ever be normal?" is so loaded with meaning every single time.
the story shows the struggles we all have to face in confronting and finally dealing with the demons of our past. and how we're all wounded but continue to walk in this world.

on the fence

i'm on the fence about something. my ninang and cousin arrived yesterday from the US and they'll be here for just over a week. i really really want them to come and visit me here so i can show them where i live, where i work, places around baguio. but they're not sure they'll have time to make the trip, even over the weekend. and the earliest i can join them in hot manila is saturday morning because the graduation here starts friday afternoon. what i really want is for them to come here. but i have to wait and see as they also "wait and see" about their sked. i love my ninang (well, i love both of them), and i haven't seen her in almost 10 years! but i can't just spend a day in manila...
i feel like a kid having a tantrum.:(

bowling for ... fun

i finally was able to convince some people to join me for bowling here in baguio! we had planned it for monday, but had to resked for tue., 6 pm. the bowling lanes are puyat, so they were what i'm used to. just that--horrors!--there was no magoo's pizza! but that was just a minor drawback. we played 3 games straight, and enjoyed it so much! there were a few groups that came in as we were starting our 2nd game, but they all seemed so serious! you could tell by the cheers and jeers emanating from our group.
i slightly injured my thumb, and my wrist still hurts a bit. but it's all worth it. i haven't bowled in more than 6 months, and it was great that i got some practice and proved that i can still bowl. i even got some strikes!
after that, we went to shakey's (gotta have pizza after bowling!). we got some pizza, pasta, mojos, and i'm the genius who thought of ordering a basket of belgian fries--who knew it would consist of about an entire potato farm?! luckily, karl finished it all, because really, joy, jenna, and i couldn't/wouldn't. that's what boys are for!:P
we were all in agreement that we have to bowl again soon. yehey!

Easter Happy

We went to a beautiful Easter Vigil saturday night, and i was assigned one of the "candle bearers" for when they turned on all the lights and sang "Gloria" and rang the bells. it was all so grand!
Easter Sunday was spent with my family, doing the "usual Sunday" stuff we used to do, that we haven't done in a long time. first was Mass, then a visit to my tita who just arrived from the US to attend my cousin's grad from UP manila, then lunch and grocery-shopping. it was a great day spent with my loved ones--and in airconditioned space!
that night, i went to makati with my sister, her new manliligaw, and his best friend. i'd only previously met him very briefly a few days previous. turns out they had been going out for several dates straight, said my mom. i'm happy for my sister. she deserves someone who likes her so much that he wants to be with her as much as possible. and i trust her enough to know that she'll make the right decision if and when.

a dose of mark darcy

nothing like a dose of mark darcy for those not-so-great days. and, really, this is about the nicest thing anyone could say, i think:
"I like you, (your name here) just as you are."
:D

I want to learn sign language

Yesterday, as part of the Lenten ceremony, the gospel was acted out by the deaf and mute community that live near our parish. Once again, I was so touched by how they strove to function well, that’s it, despite being differently-abled (apparently, that’s the safe PC term to use). It awoke in me a long-held longing to learn sign language. I first wanted to learn it when I was in grade 6, but apparently, I’m no good at self-study using a book. My friends and I learned the ASL alphabet in high school, but used it for inane activities like messages within class, so the teacher wouldn’t understand. I know how to sign some words, very basic really, from religious songs in high school, or “thank you” from sesame street. But now, I will really try to find a way to learn it in baguio. Then, maybe, I can volunteer somewhere...something worthwhile to do in the summer!

i am blessed

so i lost my phone. and with it, the # i've used for the longest time. but i've chosen not to dwell on that. nor on the fact that i still don't have a replacement.
because i am still very blessed. i realized this during Mass yesterday, Holy Thursday. for the first time since i can remember, our parish had the most meaningful last supper service. our new parish priest, fr. lari, invited some (sorry for the term) disabled people to participate. and really, what right do i have to complain? i'm not perfect, but i have fully-functioning physical attributes. how can i complain? more is expected of me, in fact. and i resolve to try to do more. much more than what i've been doing with this comfortable life. i've become complacent, and i don't want that.
after Mass, we were invited to have dinner at fr. lari's quarters. yum! yum! food there is always good. and fr. lari, who i hadn't seen in maybe 3 months, remembered me--new hair and all! God bless him for continuing to challenge us to do better.

i love this...

deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
(from "Your Laughter" by Pablo Neruda)

...it sounds even more beautiful in Spanish, of course.

oh, to be the inspiration for (better yet, to write) such beautiful lines...!

i miss

i just suddenly realized that i have this enormous need for my family and friends. i miss hugging them, kissing them, holding their hand, leaning on them. i may be happy here, so far away, but i also feel the need for some physical contact with the ones i love. it's not as if i have that kind of relationship with the friends i've met here. none of them can guess when i just need a hug. none of them are available for me just to lean on and be quiet around. i miss the people who know my history, who know what can set me off, who know when to be brutally honest, who know...a lot about me. i'm rethinking this "alone" thing.

hanging out

yesterday was not a good day in general. i was in charge of summer enrollment, and it being the first day, there was a whole barrage of students vying for limited slots in the few classes that were offered. so much so that by 11 am, most classes were already closed.
to shake off the malaise and stress of the day, i stopped over at ebai's, a coffee shop along upper session road. their apple walnut cake is fantastic!--considering i don't like nuts, right? and their benguet barako was good enough to take without cream. i just sat outside, staring at the sunset, occasionally scribbling in my notebook, and breathing in the cold baguio air.

in the presence of greatness

yesterday, rio alma's new book was launched here in school. i didn't expect it, but all of a sudden, a large number of writers arrived to attend! my professor, ma'am jing hidalgo, sir bien lumbera, sir jimmy abad, sir butch dalisay, sir ricky de ungria, jun cruz reyes, paolo manalo, and my friend, ginia villanueva, among many others. and once again, you know i just went crazy, as i always do when surrounded by good writers. i almost conked myself on the head because i didn't bring my books from manila, and i'm too much of a spendthrift to buy the same book twice. so i decided to prioritize, and since sir ricky, who wrote "pidgin levitations", is the chancellor of UP mindanao, i figured he would be the least likely person i would see again in the near future. (unless i actually, finally make it to davao soon!) so i rushed to buy a copy of his book (which i had previously bought for a friend), and as soon as the booklaunch was over, rushed to him to have my book signed. overzealous? i wouldn't be me if i weren't! but he was really nice and asked me if i write, etc. and he signed it so nicely!
after that, i touched base with ma'am jing (yey, she remembers me!) and sir jimmy (to whom i always have to re-introduce myself. but i don't mind.) and sir butch macansantos (who always loves to chat).
only after all that was i able to focus my attention on other people there. (so sorry!) and i was back to my less frantic self. with books signed!!!
i just realized that i missed writers' night last december. which is too bad, because i love being a frantic fan there!

happy news

yesterday, i arrived at the faculty room, fresh from the bus ride, to find a memo on my table saying that i will teach for the summer! yehey! and it's a subject i really want to teach: media studies! i'm so happy i'll be spending summer here, especially after experiencing the heat in manila--that felt like i was in an oven! of course, i'll miss my family and friends, but i hope they'll come visit me (hint! hint!). i just hope my tita and cousin who are coming in from the states will think it's ok to spend time with me here instead of manila. i miss them and have been looking forward to seeing them!

happy day

despite the intense manila heat, i had a good day yesterday, enjoying the warmth of catching up with friends.
it was great stopping by my former office, with everyone doting on me, wanting to find out how i was, telling me i look great (Baguio just has such a positive effect on me!), and sharing some chitchat. i had some one-on-one time with LL, sonee, cindy, mems, and miel. but not quite enough! even the guards wanted to find out how i was doing! oh, if only they could manage to take a breath and vacation in baguio!

things that make me smile

it takes very little to make me smile, you know that. i just thought of the many beautiful things that bring a smile to my lips, or even elicit a laugh...
stepping on dry leaves to hear them crackle under my feet
touching makahiya and watching the leaves fold
sunflowers in full bloom
the feel of raindrops on my palm
rainbow (saw one the other day!!!)
holding a friend's hand
hugging
making someone smile
a dragonfly
reading a good book in bed
sitting outside my window and writing
driving a motorcycle and feeling the wind in my hair
eating strawberries
staring up at a dark sky peppered with stars
hugging my rabbit
taking Dogie for a walk
taking time to talk to a friend
feeling the tide foam at my feet
dipping my toes in a waterfall
talking to God and feeling Him comfort me

what makes you smile?

vincent

vincent van gogh is truly a wonderful artist. i remember a few years ago, i did a report for my MA class where i researched influences of vincent van gogh on different art forms and media, specifically starry night.

you all know the lovely song, of course. but there's also a poem, a few movies (some worse than others), especially a vignette in akira kurosawa's dreams. and there are a lot more. i loved doing that report because i had and still have a passion for the artist. i remember spending hours in the UP main lib's humanities dept poring over art books, and always being drawn to his "potato eaters":

lesson #1

i just realized i need to make a conscious effort to listen. really listen. after many years, since childhood, of being very introverted and quiet, ever since i've been in media, i've been less of a listener and more of a talker. and that's not good. especially since i really want to listen and learn more about the people i talk with. admittedly, i don't make as much side comments and interjections as i used to. but i could stand to keep my mouth shut a bit tighter and let the other person finish a thought before jumping in with my own. so i resolve to open my ears more, and keep my thoughts to myself--or delay their articulation a bit.